The Future.

I've had it.

No matter how hard i try to be happy, i just end up feeling worse. All i feel like doing now is go to a new place, have a new identity and start new. I tired of this sense of deja vu washing over me. I feel like everything in this world is crashing down on me again. And please, i would appreciate it if you didn't ask about why i'm so sad these day.

All i feel like doing is to sit down by the beach and enjoy the breezy delight. Oh how peaceful would it be! The rustle of the coconut trees, crashing of the waves, and the titter of bird high up in the sky. I lust for freedom. I want to be in anywhere i want to be. I don't wanna be locked up in a cell where everything it reminds me of is - the future. Every single thought of my future makes me cringe and frown. Knowing that i'll leave everything behind and commit myself to something new makes me afraid, lost and confused. But - this is my key to a golden lock. If i refuse to turn the knob, i'll regret for my whole, entire life. I'm trying to look at this decision as maturely as i can, and my heart tells me that backing out is never the option to choose. I'm sorry if this decision upsets a few people, but i live for myself, not for others. It might sound self centered, but no one should live for the sake of other's. 

Just being on this subject upsets me to no end, so i think i should stop.

_______

Sigh, i'm nothing important to you, so why should i bother hanging on that thin piece of thread?