2016 Resolutions:

1. Drink Less (alcohol)
2. Eat Healthier - Cook More
3. Incorporate more exercise in my daily routine.
4. Prevent stagnation.
5. Prioritize studies.
6. Avoid dismissing my problems.
7. Spend less money.
8. Start a new project.
9. Read more (books, articles, newspapers, etc..)
10. Avoid mixing with the wrong crowd.
11. Be kinder to family.
12. Be more accepting and understanding.
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New Beginnings

Hi guys! Greetings and salutations. It has really been a while since I last posted on this blog huh. The reason for why I've taken this long to post is that : I'm afraid that I've gotten a little rusty with my writing ever since I stopped reading as much as I used to. Ever since college started, i spent whatever little time i have left for myself on resting or being with my loved ones, and thus not being able to read any books in the end. I'm not going to lie, that made me a little apprehensive to start blogging again. I've tried several times to post something, anything, up on this blog, but failed miserably as my nerves always got the best of me in the end. I was afraid of being unable to produce quality posts and entries like i used to (and end up being judged by nasty grammar nazis), but after careful consideration and persuasion by my friends and family, I've decided to start writing again because if I don't start now, when will I ever begin?

My last entry was two years ago, and I was a completely different person then. I've changed a lot, but change goes by without saying. During those two years, I've suffered, cried, destroyed and destructed so much that the impact of it all still weighs my heart down till today. Long story short, I had an encounter with a dark angel that seemed so harmless and beautiful at first, but then became the very reason of me spiraling into a dark, endless hole. Somewhere along the way, I discovered tiny little lights that gradually led me to a stairway that could only go up, not down. Today, I'm still walking up those stairs, but little by little, the shackles on my feet start to loosen and my world has never been brighter.

And here lies the main reason that encouraged me to start blogging again: I want to document my journey on walking up these stairs. I want to be able to discover myself through my rambles and rants, my adventures to new places, and the new experiences that I get. I want to write all of these things down to get my brain to realize my unconscious, real, unsugar-coated thoughts in its purest form.

Most importantly, I want to remember.

I want to be able to reminisce and remember everything just like when it happened. I want to be able to trace the face of the people i love with my hand and have them appear at the back of my eyelids. I want to be able to hold on to my precious memories forever.

So with this post, I hereby commence the start of my documented journey to self discovery. I honestly hope that this motivation isn't short-lived like how it always is, but we'll never know.

okay i gotta stop rambling.

Good night.

Snip! goes the scissors.

This is my face with my new hairstyle. I'm pretty sure that when more than 6 inches of your hair is slashed off your head, it accounts for a new hairstyle. Personally, i think that the difference is pretty significant, considering the fact that i was surrounded by mountains of my own hair (okay maybe i'm exaggerating but whatevs man) but i'm happy with it. 

First of all, i no longer feel as if my head is going to tip towards the direction of where my hair is.
Second of all, i can turn my head without my hair slapping me in the face in return.
Lastly, i can announce my age to the world without them staring back at me in disbelief. (I'm young!!! Let me bask in my youth, dammit.)

If you guys are interested to know where i got my hair did, i'll leave the link to their website at the end of this passage. The name of the salon is called - Number76, which i think you guys would already be quite familiar with - considering the fact that the vast majority of malaysian bloggers (e.g, cheesie, chuckei etc) frequent it regularly and never fail to blog about it every single time. I don't blame them though. Number76 has incredibly good service and their staff are great at keeping their customers feeling comfortable without the residual awkwardness that usually strikes after a few moments of awkward silences. Definitely worth a second visit!

website: http://www.76style.com/

_________________

Aside from the all the talk about aesthetics, I have been pretty occupied with planning for the future. As i've mentioned before in one of my previous posts, i will be going to America to further my studies and i guess i've been busy mentally prepping myself for it. 

I've been thinking a lot lately, and i realized that i would be leaving behind many people, objects and places that hold a whole lot of sentimental value to me. I would be leaving my parents, best friends and relatives behind and i wouldn't be able to see them even if i wanted to. I knew this since the start of everything. I mean, it is simply a Fact with a capital 'F'. But... that thought never really sunk in... until now. My reaction towards it? Not the best. I've been extremely anxious and antsy, it's ridiculous! It affected me so much that it has been a great difficulty for me to even fall asleep at night - hence, the swollen panda eyes. (it sounds cute doesn't it? but trust me when i say fuck no.)

But with great effort, i overcame that paranoia and anxiety anyway. I guess the thing that left me at ease  was the thought that i would have to go to America one way or another, and the only thing that would happen if i prolonged this decision would be the moment of when the anxiety kicks in. I would have to face this predicament one way or another, so why not now? I would be able to discover myself much sooner, so why not take a leap of faith and be a little more adventurous and spontaneous? Sure, the feeling of longing and home sickness would be inevitable, but i would cry, and i would get over it. I have faith that my emotional strength can handle at least that much. 

Alright, i'll be ending this post right now before i continue babbling for another 4 more passages. I promised you guys that i would attempt to keep every post short and sweet, but hey, attempting does not come with guarantees! But, I do hope that it has been interesting or helpful to you somehow. My heart goes out to all of you who are stuck in the same predicament as i am. It may not be a big one, but a predicament nonetheless.

Thank you for reading! BAIIIIIIIIIII.

much love,

Cindy,